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The Fearful Avoidant u0026 The 6 Stages Of A Relationship | Fearful Avoidant Attachment

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Back and forth he sends mixed signals Comment from : Sylvie VACHON

Ive been obsessively watching content on FAs trying to learn how to be the best partner I can for her Ive been so anxious it’s debilitating Im putting my best foot forward, trying to integrate these things and it feels like she could care less about me Never struggled like this before I wish I could do it, I wish I could keep going But whats the point when I dont get that energy back? Comment from : Joe

Can a FA go in deactivation after 15 years of marriage? Comment from : Kinga Berlakovich

Thank u for making this!!! Comment from : evavocado

6 Stages:brbr1 Datingbr2 Honeymoon br3 Power Strugglebr4 Stabilitybr5 Commitment br6 Bliss Comment from : Rita

How do I change from this? Comment from : Cheri Barker

In my experience, expressing my needs never does go well My needs never are met I think I would do much better learning how to attract (or be attracted to) someone who gives a crap about my needs rather than just told to communicate them Comment from : Po Boy

Both of us took this test so we are both fearful avoidant which is kind of surprising but not at the same time We have been together for over 7 years married for two She says for the past 5 or 6 years I have been emotionally unavailable and that there's a cycle and it causes her to have debilitating anxiety issues because she has anxiety issues that can cause her to I have a lot of problems I didn't know there was a cycle I don't know I'm doing it half the time until recently But that's because she's almost done she says it's in my court but I'm not sure what to do at this point I don't want to love bomb her but I'm trying to put myself back in the habit of doing those things that help in a relationship like little notes here and there or small gifts and stuff like that just letting her know that I'm thinking of her because I haven't I think about it all the time I love her dearly I think she's beautiful and an amazing person but sometimes for some reason I have hell of a time after a while sending her a message or something every once in awhile letting her know that I'm thinking about her even though I am thinking about her I just got into the habit of not actually sending her a text or something I'm a truck driver and so I'm gone for most of the time I'm home everyday but I work a third shift schedule so it makes things already difficult Is there any advice you can give me and her to fix our marriage? Sometimes I feel like when I do do those things to show her she's not receptive to him and so I think that shuts me down even more but she doesn't see herself as being unreceptive so there's an argument there and I hate confrontation What can we do to fix this? Comment from : chevroletgt

Immediately starts oscillating between the honey moon stage and the power struggle stage 🎯 Comment from : Arielle Perry

FA struggling or just isn’t interested!? That’s the question every thime Comment from : @WoodooArt

I feel like this is the most underrated and under-talked about attachment style Thank you for talking about it! Comment from : N/A

How long do secure people stay in dating phase? Comment from : R Samuels

I am revisiting FA videos because for some odd reason, ever since being more secure I attract FAs 🥲 this is so weird! As an FA, I used to literally just attract DAs brbrFAs are very sweet This describes an FA to a T It’s almost amusing looking at another person and thinking “wow, I must have been hard to date” and just having empathy FAs are afraid of commitment, yet want you to stay around and that’s something I can’t do anymore brbrI really am happy with the current FA I met 3 months ago, our conflicts are very fruitful in that we both know how to validate and resolve our issues He says he isn’t ready for a relationship yet treats me like a girlfriend I told him, that’s not okay I deserve better and he understood I tend to miss him though, as he is very warm, caring and understandingbrbrI hope our friendship will allow and give him space to build trust, but also hope he can learn to not overwork himself to prove his worth but to know he is deserving even without overextending himself brbrI don’t get as anxious as I used to but being in a situationship is definitely something I’m not settling for If rather be single and maintain a good friendship with him If we ever work out, good If not, also goodbrbrI really wish both of us the best 🙏🏾 Comment from : Emang Rabogadi

I have been making my way through these videos and have read your book You have been a blessing to me I have learned so much and am conciously working through the most positive connection I have ever had on a relationship level Knowing about attachment styles has changed my life and I so appreciate it! Comment from : Mia Gardiner

I broke up with my boyfriend today, and he sais that he never loved me That he was lying to himself and lying to me As a fearful avoidant I am extremely triggered It's not hurt that i feel right now, I am empty Comment from : Passive Panda

Dating a fearful avoidant or is he just not that into me? Hard to tell Comment from : L P

I was seeing someone for less than a week and after everything was going great, him caring for me and showing me he wanted physical contact from a relationship, he suddenly brought up how he wanted no relationship bc he wasn’t sure he could trust someone like that ever again The topic of a relationship never came up But this came from the same person who stated they’ve tried dating apps… and even said our first outing was a date It left me so confused how they did a 180 in less than 24 hours when we had just been having a great time Comment from : Cataluna

fearful avoidant here, got broken up with by an anxious preoccupied brwhat did i even do wrong? i go through all the trouble of taking down all the mental walls to be honest about how i feel despite the killer anxiety involved, and i still get blown off worse, she uses the "it's not you it's me" cliche and insists i'm a great person and "it's her fault"brbri don't understand brbri've been coping poorly; it keeps looping in my head, and i feel like if this keeps up i'll end up eschewing social contact entirely given it always ends badly, platonic or romantic Comment from : PON PON PATA PON

Powerful video!! Proud to say, my partner and I have reached the bliss stage After ten years of all the other mess 🎉 It is possible and I definitely didn't see this coming 💕 Thank you PDS Comment from : Tina Jones

Very informative video, thank you! Comment from : Jean Senior

As a fearful avoidant who’s 30 and have never had a boyfriend, I’m gonna die alone lmao Comment from : MERŌN

The comments are also so good 💜 I feel soothed Comment from : Sri Vasudha Hemadri Bhotla

Can this attachment style cause us to lose all attraction and desire for the partner consistently, as well as feeling not "in love", out of protection? Can this be shifted back with healing? Comment from : Nicole

As a fearful-avoidant working towards secure, I have learned to be very specific in what meeting my needs looks like to my DA partner, only for it to have it ignores To a degree, I feel more triggered or re-traumarized when I specifically express a need to only have it laughed at or ignored I feel myself going back into my avoidant phase because at least if my partner doesn't meet my needs, I don't feel so personalized Comment from : tina marie

Video starts at 5:30 🤮 thank me later Comment from : J O

Idk I feel like I either can't get past a 3rd date with someone or they love bomb me I literally feel like there is no in between Comment from : Carolyn Mills

Well this explains why my honeymoon stages seem to last approximately 2 weeks while other people get to have 6 months or a year Comment from : Tara Loughran

but how do i know the difference between "really not wanting someone, during the dating phase" (because it just don't fit) or "just running away, because i'm triggered and self-sabotaging"? my problem is that i never experience any type of deeper feelings, because i always cut off men already after the 2 date goooosh, getting closer to someone feels so f*cking unsafe and scary :/ Comment from : Kathrin A

50 FA, 36 AP, 14 DA, and 0 secure Comment from : Alexandra Pedraza

Do you have a video that talks about going through the relationship but having a relative/friend/peer of your significant other sabotaging your relationship because of their attachment trauma being transmitted through them? :-) Comment from : Jesse Skellington

A lot of people give up during the power struggle phase - fearful avoidant Comment from : J Shaka

I’m so excited that I just ordered your book! This news of learning about attachment styles saved my marriage literally this week!!! Thank you for your work!!!! Comment from : Bethany Therrell

lol yeah, I'm fearful-avoidant / preoccupied attachment style, my gf is anxious preoccupied attachment style, she wanted to be exclusive after 2nd date, I took it as a great surprise since before first bf/gf Led to me wanting to date again after a few months many times and going back and forth a lot Together for 10 months and just had our first major 3 day space / mini break, we only had a few times of 1 day breaks before Living together as well Comment from : Stef Tech Surfer

Here weekly to soothe my anxieties since I'm once again attempting to pursue a relationship with someone uuuuuugh it's exhausting Comment from : Emilie Sandell

What happened? After the first two stages, you mentioned nothing about FAs Can you cover the other stages for FAs in another vid? Comment from : Gumby The Green

I have a question regarding FA not wanting to have kidsbrI am a FA and I love kids but I made the decision of not wanting to have any when I was 9!!!! Because of my family ofc does this means that this decision was based on my attachment style and fears??? If I healed I might be open to have kids? I don't hate kids but I feel sorry for them that they will come to this world and live this hell Comment from : Lookaroundyou

With this video, you have just changed my life It's like the lights have been turned on Thank you!! Comment from : Eli Ezra

I couldn’t manage to tease out the 6 stages I missed one Is there another video that lines them out more clearly? Comment from : Rebecca Carraway

is there any chance you can speed through these things? I feel like my honeymoon stage was extremely short and the power struggle stage is lasting months I do think being in this UK lockdown definitely doesn't help because we physically can't connect so much Comment from : A I

having this attachment style just ended my relationship Comment from : alyx

Is it normal for a FA to have a hard time falling in love? I never feel totally satisfied when dating someone even tho i try my hardest to make it work and be the best and most affectionate person possible so that the person wants me but It just dont seem to work for me even tho i want it to Comment from : lisa terp

Therapist says this is me but im not sure I totally trust her judgmentif this true, I am gonna stay away from others Its just too difficult for me to manage Comment from : VenusRemix

I dated someone with a FA attachment style and it was hell All that fault finding and emotional distancing took their tolls on me She took it to the extreme by moving town and restricting communication to text only (of course limited too) It fizzled out in the endbrbrF*ck this shit I won't settle for half baked craps like this ever again Comment from : ddhar

You are reading my mailbrbrThank you This is extremely timely Comment from : tedtalksrock

are the fa stages in the new book? Comment from : Motion Muse

How long does the power struggle stage last? Comment from : Johanna Hunt

Thankyou! In a nutshell I'm a fearful avoidant It's cost me the love of my life but its given me the kick up the backside I needed to look into and understand my issues Comment from : Allison Rawlings

what are the 6 phases of relationship ? Comment from : yasedky

SPOT ON dang! Comment from : Catherine Cameron

SO helpful, thank you! Comment from : Drew Burkhard

How do you tell the difference between the power struggle stage and an unhealthy, potentially unsolvable dynamic? Comment from : frankie

I’ve recently come across your videos and I LOVE THEM!!! It explains SO MUCH! My partner is an FA and I am so confused I think we are in the Power Struggle Stage now but we continue to text and talk on the phone We just don’t see each other We’ve been seeing each other 4 months but it’s been in a power struggle for over a month How can I pull him closer to me again without being pushy/needy? I’m scared to tell him I need to feel him physically to feel reassured Comment from : MS

What happens when fearful avoidants date each other? Comment from : Crimsons Kiss

Please provide a Kindle version of the book! Comment from : Irena Georgieva

Relationships?🤨 Comment from : Kahlo Diego

Hi once a DA leaves Is it possible he will come back, Comment from : Lillian Killian

Onebeautifulheartbr🌸Stages of Romantic Partnerships brbr1)Dating stage br2)Honeymoon stage br3)Power struggle stage br4)Blissful stagebr5)Stability stagebr6)Commitment stage Comment from : Onebeautifulheart

WowThis ih s good stuff Thank you Comment from : Rich

wish I knew about this channel 2 yrs ago I was anxious preoccupied (mostly secure now), my boyfriend of 25 yrs is fearful avoidant thankfully were in the bliss stage now but knowing about attachment styles would’ve saved me an awful lot of heartache it took to get to this point Comment from : DLorah Smith

Omg!!! This is a Prayer that has been given to me!! You are SUCH A BEAUTIFUL LADY WITH A HEART OF GOLD!! You have no idea what you have given to me by your knowledge! I truly believe that after knowing all this and of course working on myself and my anxious attachment style My ex boyfriend will come back in time after understanding why he broke up with me I have been doing no contact but felt that avoiding my fearful avoidant, it would hurt him that doesn’t mean that I can reach out to him all the time but once or twice a month I had to always have limited contact because he lets his dog live with me and gives me the money to take care of her to me this is leaving the door open for him coming back and all his push and pulling he gave to me before he broke up with me So if I continue to learn , he will continue to slowly integrate in my life and just maybe be my boyfriend again Because people are human and all the other coaches out there think that one size fits all, Not true at all Thank you Thais!!🙏🏻❤️ Comment from : Leslie Johns

I think it's important to recognize that you can't fix another person They have to work on themselves Comment from : Wazakauye Zulu

Most women don't get past the first date and deny their fears All we ever see is women's tests, playing games of rejection and unavailibility to sustain their egoistic financial needs So please let's not mention that the only factor is power and control over men for dominance because this is what fearfull people do Comment from : Moustafa Nabizada

💯 correct Thais Thank you for sharing your knowledge If only I knew about attachment theory before we broke up 6 weeks ago😢 brI am FA and was dating a DA for 2 years and all I wanted was to be with him When he asked for a committed relationship I can’t believe I said “I don’t expect us to spend a lot of time together and I still want time to do my own thing” 🤦🏼‍♀️ it’s like I couldn’t stop myself saying it even though that is the opposite of what I actually wanted He also deactivated and started withdrawing and stopped initiating contact which of course brought out my anxious side We were separated for 3 months due to Covid and spoke on the phone a few times a week brWhen we saw each other again he was so critical and negative about everything and he broke up with me two weeks later I am in no contact now, hoping for a second chance to do things differently I am saving up to do your course and become more secure Comment from : Chilled Out

i vacillate between fearful avoidant and anxious preoccupied Lord have mercy 🙄 Comment from : TheDawningEclipse

I loved your video to the core Please please give tips to move past the power struggle phase Thank u♥️ Comment from : LaLUNA

Do FAs actually want commitment and marriage? Comment from : GChan129

Great, i never came to phase 2 lol Comment from : Katarina Kozarevic

Fearful avoidant are often either obsessive or avoidant Our emotions are extremely intense It can be hard to regulate them in relationships Comment from : jelaya Stewart

Im a FA and my boyfriend is Secure Comment from : Brianamagana

Can you do a video about the different attachment styles in a relationship with an individual who is narcissistic? Comment from : Cynthia LeVeque

This video is one of the best I have seen so far because you really break down and make it understandable about how to go about creating a safe space and a better understanding of how we can both better work through these stages Thank you so much😊 Comment from : Tommy Powell

I recently came out of a 7 year relationship and I realised I may have a fearful avoidant attachment style I originally thought it was anxious attachment as I have an anxiety disorder too and I push and pull based on my anxiety but I can relate so much to these things I used to push my girlfriend away and I was also at times suspicious and controlling because I feared she would leave me for someone better I tend to project a confident image, say I'm ok alone ect and really I just want to fit in and feel ok I'm my self in in therapy starting to address my issues my ex had anxious attachment so that also meant I was constantly on edge she said I could be arrogant at times and dismissing but when she didn't show me attention I'd be like a lost puppy must have been awful for her too it's only when we broke up that I finally admitted how I truly felt after treating her bad and dismissing her needs for a long time (also suffering with major stress and anxiety outside of the relation ship which at first I blamed it on) hid from marriage when she wanted it but fantasies about our wedding and feeling accepted by her family all in all not a great feeling being how I am I either walk around with a suit of armour like I'm a king or I'm crying and thinking I'm the most unlockable person that has ever lived I buy people things because I feel guilty for what I lack in relationships so I feel I owe it to people thank you for making these videos Comment from : danny maria

Can you change attachment styles over the years? I tested fearful avoidant but not sure that is accurate Comment from : ladyesther

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